Hi everyone- I've just been reading thru and enjoying everyone's posts, so I'd thought I'd join. Here'e my question: Has anyone else had to deal with rude/derisive comments from chemical addicted neighbors? Since finding out that I won't use chemicals in my lawn or garden, my neighbor can't seem to control himself. "Oh, we have gnats - I'm going to go spray some CHEMICALS.", "We're having the EXTERMINATOR come again." I have never made a negative comment to him regarding his (totally wrong)decisions, and I'm getting FED UP. These comments are always made in a very casual way, just inserted into the conversation, and so I don't want to make an enemy here, but it would be nice to shut him up! Thanks for any ideas!

You are in a difficult position - there is no profit in arguing with a closed mind. And by the sound of it, that one is more than closed - it's been affected!

You could argue stupidity with logic but using logic rarely works on such people, they have swallowed the "better living through chemistry" pap long ago and any tests you cite will be dismissed as "scare mongering". Next, they will state that any fungus problems or insect attacks on THEIR plants are because of YOUR refusal to spray.

You asked for ideas. My suggestion is to apply reversed psych. They are your neighbors so it would not be a positive to create bad blood. Simply state that you see things in a broader sense than just a single backyard and that you prefer not to discuss the subject anymore. Ignore the cracks, that is just their way of picking an argument; they are unsure of their actions so they need YOU to justify their use of chemicals, by "winning" an argument with you, they will feel justification. Don't let them label you, they are not worth it.

Walk away, reduce contact. Live and let live.

Easier said than done, I know. But what is your alternative?

Best wishes!

John

Just remind him that you dont have to pay for an exterminator (again)....and you dont have gnats..because you can control them organicaly,ought to ruffel his fur....gnats in the house is usually caused by overwatering the house plants....they eat moist dying matter......

Hi! Welcome.
I have both the worst and the best neighbors, one on each side. My worst neighbor threw a fit when I told him not to mow our back hill anymore because I was going to let it go natural. He told me the city would fine me for ragweed. After that a couple of other's he mowed for followed suit, and then he stopped talking to me (he charged $20 a mow, we cost him $80 a month). My good neighbor informed me that he sent his daughter (13 yrs old) to dump weed killer on their lawn that bordered our properties. She said while the kid was at it, she leaned over the fence and dumped some on my veggie garden! I was NOT happy. I visited his house and told him to let me know if weeds between our properties needed to be taken care of and I would be happy to do it naturaly, then I told his kid to stay out of my yard. I was unhappy about having to do it because who knows better at age 13? But, she does whatever he tells her to do .
My suggestion for your neighbor would go along with what other's have mentioned, diplomacy, but don't back down. If he's into cheap shots and won't quit, put his name on every organic related mailing list you can find! And for good measure, convert your other neighbors and out number him.Good luck
-Bada

This is me taking the gloves off, so look out. Sorry if I offend anyone.

If you're female, this is REALLY easy to deal with. (Males have egos and status with each other; they usually can't do this.)

Look him in the eye next time he says something rude or insulting again, and say something like "I don't know why you like to taunt me, it just makes me uncomfortable and hurts. Nobody likes to be mocked."

If he's stupid enough to be calling the exterminator, then he's stupid enough to not know how to handle himself when a strong, intelligent woman speaks honestly to him about feelings. Watch him gape like a fish! He'll either mull it over until the cows come home, stop doing it entirely, or get so angry that you've named the situation for what it is that he won't speak to you any more.

But be careful, this means that he'll start seeing you like a real person with good and bad points, and not someone to pick on.

Oooh, this one woke up the ole juices!] As much as every fiber in my being would be screamin: " Back off, you dumba$$ SOB!". My Zen self would center and repeat: "Thanks. And you have a nice day now, y'hear?" And turn & w-a-l-k- a-w-a-y!!! X-(

As John said, pointless to argue rationally with irrational thick-head. But, aris, if I may, I kinda disagree w/"sharing of feelings" with dimwit. Telling him he "hurt" you, is exactly what he wants to hear. He was probably a "bully" or blowhard since kindergarten. You'll only fuel his ego and his moronic-fire, if you let him think he's hurt you. Best way to handle someone like that is either w/humor (my first defense); ignore and take the suggested above-mentioned route; or try and find some kind of common ground to help diffuse some of his "hot air", e.g. kids, neighborhood, weather, politics, er, uh....best stay away from that last one....music. Maybe even complement him on some of his plants and when he says: "Ayup, did it all with chemikills, too". You just smile, nod, and say (robotically): "That's nice". And, once again........walk away!

Truth of the matter is this: He knows what he is doing isn't really safe. Now, trust me on this,
he envys your approach & your abilities. [u]He[/u] thinks that [u]you[/u] think you are better than him!!! People who feel inadequate usually go for the jugular. "Best offense is defense", type of thing. Cutting you down to "his size" (in his eyes) is his way of levelling the playing field.

Boy, did I use enough metophors there????

Sad. Cuts neighbors off from each other. Some people just aren't willing to "live & let live". You don't have to accept each others approach. You can downright HATE it! But gettin confrontational about his Neanderthal behavior would only bring you down to his level? Your smarter than that, and, besides, life's too short :x

gardenz
(BTW: Welcome, chemfreemom! )

Why do you care what he thinks about you? I just do my garden my way. My garden is all organic and I get more vegetables, and have more flowers and less bugs and problems. So if my neighbors ask why I don't have the same problems, I tell them how I don't use chemicals. Actually it is less work I think, and a whole lot cheaper!

My brothers try to tease me, they call me a hippy, and say most people would just do this or that. My answer is, why in the world would you think I would want to be like "most people"? I really don't care what anyone else thinks because I know I am right. Then they quit trying, because they know I really don't care about what other people think.

Now if some one ever dumped weed killer in my garden, I would call the police. That is trespassing and distruction of property.

My usual response to something so insecure is "I'm sorry,did you say someting?" or "I'm sorry, that was my bad ear, try speaking up next time." when he repeats himself 62 times, he'll get the picture!

I agree with most of the replies to this thread. Just be civil and polite and [u]ignore the comments[/u]! My neighbors are so clueless that they mow down the tulips planted in their border on an annual basis (before they bloom!) When they engage me in conversation about gardening and their chemical use I say some version of "Oh, that's nice" or "Gee, that's too bad" and return to my garden. After living here for three years, their curiousity has gotten the better of them and now they ask me what I'm doing that's different. The ignorant, derisive comments have stopped because I gave them nothing to work off of. I really didn't care what they did in their yard, as long as they left mine alone. People like that can't stand to be ignored, the commentary may escalate for a while, but eventually they'll lose interest in the competition if you remain calm and unaffected.

I have neighbors who dislike green things with a passion. They dislike crawling things too. The old man is almost deaf, so one can't even talk with him and be understood. He lives for his chemicals. He sprays every living thing in his yard except the few pine trees, and those have NO pine needles under them, as every single solitary bit of organic matter is raked up by them!!! So sad that he and his wife dislike plants! The poor tarantulas crawl into my yard to die (those come out in summer here). I overhear him when he's outside, complaining to his visiting son about all the plants I planted along my side of our shared property line, how they will block his view. So sad that a person could dislike life so much, and he must be in his 80's!

I don't even try to talk with these neighbors anymore as they are in such a strange mental space. I just build up my mulch to the edge of my yard, and watch them rake away any tiny little piece that strays into their space.

Where does the mentality come from that all leaves are ugly and must be swept away? They did live in L.A. prior to moving here, maybe it's a southern Calif. attitude (sorry all you s.calif gardeners out there). Sweep away and kill with sprays all life that's not human?

i think he'd probly get my deepest sympthies.

]:
said with a far away look.

"oh, you have my deepest sympathies. I remember what it was like being on that nightmare carnival ride. It was a horrible cycle....I'm just so gratfull that I was shown how to get out of that horrible downward sprial. I know how adictive it can be, being a chem junkie is worse than being an alcoholic. i'm not sure which chemical is more addictive, Ammonium nitrate or herion......"

after all, you've grown past that & you can only hope that he does someday. if he gives it the same emphisys that i get from your message you might add in that you don't blame him for being frightened of what his addiction is making him do. a herion addict doesn't rob people because it's a fun thing to do, he's forced to as well.
you can bet if you do this (turn his position of power into one of weakness), 'specially in front of others he'll stop riduculing you.

How about looking him in the eye like Aris suggested and then saying "In the interest of being neighborly, could we agree to disagree on this?"

no, it's not a so.cal thing. we're into nature in ca, even in so cal. (havent' you seen the foster farms commercials??? wait, do they have foster farms where you are? it's a poultry farm & they advertize fresh & natural)
it could be a "meet my own mortality" thing. they might not like the fact that teh cycle of life includes passing on to the next phase & they will be doing so soon.

think you have it bad. read the latest issue of og under their watchdog section, and she what this lady had to put up with her neighbors. stick to your organic method and just continue talking to your neighbor, as a neighbor not lecturing, and see what time does. peace be with you and may your garden grow.

HI There!
I agree with Adriana. Just agree that you disagree & drop the subject. The next harvest you have of your "Delecious Organic Tomatoes". Take a few over for your neighbors. Maybe after sampeling something the way Nature Intended it to be. It will at least give them something to Think About.
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