this is a decision only i can, and must, make, but i'd appreciate hearing from anyone who may have been in this agonizing position, or anyone who wants to comment.

To make the story not-too-long, my cat has been twice to the vet, and the 2nd time, yesterday, the word was to watch her and if she doesn't get better, bring her in for blood work. ie -" We don't know what's wrong."

Her condition - she just stays in one place for almost all day, sleeps, does not appear to be suffering [but what do I know?].
Barely eats. Once in a while, walks - with difficulty - into another room, then goes back to sleep.

I long ago knew that I do not have $ for vet care. I don't mean that I would rather spend $100 on shoes than on a cat. I mean that I don't have it. I am on Food stamps. I have borrowed from anybody I can borrow from. I still have a roof over my head only bec. I have an amazing landlord.

After my last cat died after 19 1/2 years of CRF, I did NOT want another cat. Exactly because I did not want the expense, and even more, the emotional agony that I am caused by a sick pet. [or a dead pet]. This present cat appeared at my door 7 years ago, and against my better judgement I took her.

Now I also have the element of tremendous guilt cuz my life would be easier without her. I have two people who offered me a place if my financial continues to decline, both of them cannot take a cat because they are allergic.

I guess what has me torn up for the last 4 days - and I just connected the dots in writing this post - is that if I take her to the vet tomorrow and have her put down, it will be understandable. She is barely alive, and I do not have the means to go any further with her care. So seems like that is the option.
But the fact that that option has an up side is what is making me crazy. Makes me feel like a terrible person.

keep meditating on this. Has the vet given her an age? Some cat care shelters will take old cats with chronic illness such as diabetes and give them a long term home. If your cat wasn't ill, what would you want to do?

How can you best get your life on track? What lessons are you learning?

As you say, only you can make this decision. Guilt serves no useful purpose in the life of good person and rarely appears to the other sort.

Whatever you do, everyone will understand, as we have all been in similar situations.

M

She didn't have a home. You gave her one for 7 years and shared what you had, including your companionship. I'm sure she realizes how lucky she's been.

I have been in this place, and it's very personal, but here's what I think:
If the cat stops eating, it's time to consider euthanization. I had 2 cats approximately 15 years old that died within a year of each other... one had advanced cancer, and I put her down. With the other cat, I waited too long, and discovered her dead body one day. This was a much worse, much more guilt-inducing outcome for me: I wondered, how much had she suffered needlessly before laying down to die? In my opinion the euthanization, although very sad, was the "better" ending to a difficult situation.

ellenr:
Although I wholeheartedly agree with timtim, I'm hoping Jenniferch will weigh in on this discussion. As I recall, she is quite the cat lover - actually she's an animal lover (see her posts on Sam). In my opinion, she's been very level-headed when it comes to hard decisions about pets. I'm sure it's very difficult, and I'll bet she's agonized about some of the decisions she's had to make, but she just seems to be one of those people that "cuts through the crap" and does what's best. I would definitely seek out her advice on this one.

Hey Sweetie

(((Hugs)))

I waited too long with my sweet girl cat, Misty.
She had cancer, and when she stopped eating even her favorite things, I had finally came to the decision to put her down, had called the vet, told them I was bringing her in for that purpose...
When I went to put Misty in the carrier, she started to fight me, she didn't want to go, and she just died right in my arms,...and I still hurt and cry twelve years later when I think about her.

I'll be keeping you both in my prayers.

Sincerely
Robin

Thank you all for your contributions.
Yes I know Jennifer is an animal lover, and her story touched me deeply, and also Gardenz I know has had some chronic ailments with her animals, so I am hoping both will see this.

Robin - one thing - at least your cat died in your arms, as opposed to alone, so that is something.
But I'm sure it was heart-rending.

Timtim- this is my fear-every time I come into the apt I am afraid I will find her dead.

Liz - yes that is what I am trying to remind myself of - if I hadn't adopted her she would have remained a street cat most likely. And we know what a terrible life that is. So I did do the best I could for her for the past 7 years.

Maggie Z - she is only 7 or 8 -young.

so tomorrow a friend of mine is coming over who is an "intuitive". She will try to find out what my cat wants. Not sure I believe in it, but I'll give it a try.

ellen

ellen, Do you have an email address you wouldn't mind posting here? I'd like to communicate w/you on this off forums.

Ellen,

I am not a cat person but I do love animals and I will be adding both you and your cat to my prayer list. And I know how you feel.

Tomorrow I take my miniature poodle, Rusty, into the vet's to be put to sleep. He is 17 years old now and has had a good life since we rescued him over 12 years ago. He has now lost his eyesight, most of his hearing and his joints are stiff and sore now. I can't stand to see him in pain or confusion any longer and know that it is best for him. I will cuddle him, calm him and he will have his last hours and minutes in my arms where he knows that he is loved. Then he will come home with us to have a place in our yard under his favorite tree where he spent many an hour enjoying the shade. And he will have a head stone there so he will know that we will never forget him.

I hope all goes well for the both of you tomorrow.

PS: The title of this thread says in part "how to let go." I don't think you ever let go, you just change from a physical grip to one in you mind as you remember all the good times you shared together. I still remember and think about the pets I have been close to through all of my years. They are all my 4-legged children and will be with me in memory for as long as I draw breath.

Hi Ellen,
I'm so sorry you are having to go through this with so many other stressors on your plate right now.

There's one thing you said I'd like to respond to: You said at least Robin's cat didn't have to die alone. I don't think yours does either. It may vary from vet to vet, but I'm pretty sure you can be with the cat when she's being put down, so she doesn't have to be alone - if that's the route you end up taking.

Take care.

Your cat definitely does NOT have to die alone. No vet can insist that any pet be euthanized without the owner present. Law.

This is particularly poignant, as my husband & I just had to euthanize our "Daphne" last Saturday. She showed up on our doorstep 10 years ago, & although had recurring urinary problems for the rest of her days, was a delight.

We were both in the exam room to pet & scratch her while the vet administered the med, & they then put her in a "body bag" so we could bury her here on the farm in our "kitty memorial garden". Any vet who claims you can't be present during euthanization isn't kosher.

And it's true that memories will always live on. We're suckers for the needy, & thus always seem to end up with critters that no one else wants. It's funny how they always end up happy & healthy. I have to wonder if the folks who dumped the originally skeletal hound dogs we now have would even recognize them fat as ticks snoozing on the bed - lol!!!

This is so hard! Even fairly young animals can have fatal illnesses, or be sick enough so that further treatment isn't humane. (But not eating could simply be a sign that she can't smell the food. Have you tried baby food meat?) The vet may have said other things that would help you make your decision. The suggestion of diabetes was a good one---did you have any blood work done? It's expensive, I know.

If you can't afford a complete workup, the cat isn't eating (and cats don't usually cry when they're in pain, so that's hard to know) or moving around, and your circumstances are so difficult, euthanasia might be your best choice. Very hard choice to make.

When I had Julien put down last year (the gorgeous huge Maine Coon) the vet had said that with yet another med to try to treat his uncurable condition, but which would cause diabetes on top of the inflammatory bowel disease that made our lives pretty unbearable, I said enough was enough. Julien didn't really have a life anymore. It was a nightmare; he was my cat soul mate. But I held him as he died. And a couple of months after that, missing him sooooo much, I brought home the 2 kittens, which helped. But I still dream about him.

Ellen, I sympathize with you. BTDT with my shop cat Shug. We shared my lunch every day for 19 years. One question I have is: Is your cat losing weight? Every time I had a pet getting close to the end, they couldn't maintain their weight. It isn't science, just my observation. I wish you the best in making your decision. Don't beat yourself up, no matter which way you go.

Losing a cat is hard. My first cat to die just dropped dead in front of me (he was about 1 1/2). Our latest cat had cancer. We kept her comfortable (moved food and litter closer for her and had comfy places to lie down). When she starting looking kinda spacey, we knew it was time. She was probably only 9 or 10.

Yes - I didn't want to get into the bloodwork thing, but it IS something that a pet owner should definitely do. It can show so much.

I know the OP said that she's in dire economic straits, but that isn't the cat's fault, is it?

We've had cats that bloodwork has shown just needed temporary meds in order to live much longer lives. Others have shown that "it's time". Either way, it's worth the $.

And if you already know that you can't responsibly maintain a pet, please turn any that show up at your door to your local shelter or rescue.